Right now I want to talk about companionship. I just spent a good humorous 2 hours watching videos on the internet. First, John Mayer has a tv show. Then Its Kingsley Bitch and Chris Crocker on YouTube. A lot of the youtuber's schtick is complaining and bitching and being up in arms. Being candid and real..and saying opinions without obvious thought of whether or not future employers will see this, if this portrays their character in the best light for audiences, properness, ethical considerations, moral impact...etc.
I follow some artist's blogs. Like 3. So I know that isn't an appropriate sample size from which to draw my general conclusion that I am about to drop, but these are people doing what I supposedly want to do-make art, get money for it, live loving artful lives.
Ok. So there are three artists who have been in years-long committed relationships. One of them goes on long emotional rants (sorry for lack of better word) that even make me a little nervous...so this does not refer to her....and then other artists just put up their art and talk about shows.
Where is the mess of a breakup? Where is the haunting loneliness and alienation? Where is the tortured artist soul? Do they clean themselves up, edit it out before they click on post? Or do they not experience it?
I am reading Walking in this World, which is the sequel to The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. And she goes into great length about all sorts of ugly, hard, unprofessional emotions and experiences that artists (and everyone else) may have...and affirms it. But even talking about it affirms the experience.
So I am a little disappointed that I have not found an artist's blog that is as candid, emotional, wacky, and at times incriminatingly honest to themselves as the Youtube accounts of Its Kingsley Bitch and Chris Crocker. I mean, I know these two are moderately to severely acting on their material---but damn, it feels good to watch...to watch someone be unpackaged. Ok I might have contradicted myself there- its a bit put on and therefore packaged--but what is being put on and packaged is a refreshing seed of truth displayed theatrically that has not to my knowledge been previously displayed in this loud manner.
Maybe visual artist's keep that in their visual art.
I don't know. Im not that kind of person. Every aspect of my life spills into every other aspect. Its exhausting and utterly uninspiring to walk this world packaging myself into an "acceptable" person...but I have not yet found the courage, confidence (what else do i need?) to walk this world unpackaged, unapologetically authentic, and thus a bit out there. There exist very few kind labels for an individual who does this. ok genius...avant garde....innovator. but these labels seem too big and too grand. I would love to hear, Sarah. Great. Meaningful. Heart-felt. Inspiring. Encouraging. etc....
Maybe this is a start. Right here tonight.
A night before a major piece of my life -my dwelling- changes-might also mark the night before a major piece of my life reveals itself outwardly.
Maybe tonight will be the start of a project I have been carrying around for awhile. It is The Opposite of Hiding.
2 days ago